08 October, 2009

Agnostic Ruse

Some people really like this song.  Then become rather hurt when they learn what they thought to be a celebration of a wrestle with faith to in fact be a murderous meditation by a victim of rape (the protagonist, that is).  This song is very beautiful to me because of the people I know who have been hurt (so badly by loved ones) and my own personal history with sexual abuse (by a stranger, thank God).  Since the song brings the subject up, when people get over their shock at the difference between the beauty of the song as sung by me and the suggestions I make to its meaning, I try to gently get across the fact that I none the less mean it when I say I'd like child molesters and rapists to die.  I guess we all have our blind spots.  This song celebrates the innocence of some people and it might be said the unfathomable distance between the Grace of God and my perspective on child molesters and rapists.  The word "die" means die.  This song has a deep voiced quietly haunted lullaby tone.

What is the thing they talk to?
Talk to your Friend?
If I'd been late, they'd  ok
To buy in this store again?

What to say, "Faith?"
Although found late.
By and by
A cold way
I'd say they die.

Little Father victims
Thy dues
Now just vapor in the light

Maybe you'll be tongue in cheek
Learnin' somehow not to die

What to say, "Faith?"
Although found late.
By and by
A cold way
I'd say they die.

They ask you if you want to
Want to be Friends?
He is the great, and Ok?
To lie there and just pretend?

What to say, "Faith?"
Although found late.
By and by
A cold way
I'd say they die.

7 comments:

Jenny said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jenny said...

Andy,

It would be exciting to listen to your music. In fact, I have started to imagine how these tunes sound like set to music. Anyway, the texts are splendid as they are, with or without music.

The contrast between the theme rape victim and the lullaby tone, you describe here, a powerful mix. I am so sorry to hear about the experiences of sexual abuse.

Fine song again. Thank you for letting us read.

Andy Coffey said...

Jenny,

Yes, I have all the equipment I need, to record something in the next few weeks. Since people seem interested, outside my family, I probably ought to get a move on. A friend of mine is visiting next week, who is a fine guitarist, and songwriter, and it would be fun to do something with him. We used to screw around with music all the time: he the expert, and me the silly boy.

The sad fact of the lullaby, as hollywood seems to love to exploit, is that just about anything can happen whilst the words, "Go to sleep..." are sung.

Nothing so domestically devastating happened to me. I don't remember the exact circumstances, but it happened at school, and more or less I wasn't brutalized. I ran and told my mother (a sign that I certainly trusted her) and we went through a brief process of inquiry with the police and doctor, I think, then my parents more or less told me I was fine, and occasionally asked me if I was ok. They never treated me as a victim. And this is a young couple, about my age right now, who were sick over this thing. It's pretty impressive how the managed their feelings. Just loved me.
The school covered it up, so eventually we left the school.
My song is mainly about the power of leaders of any kind, and the choice we make to give them that power to hurt us, and especially people who we constantly forget are only safe "by law." Most folks who are assumed to be safe "by law" are riddled with all manner of health and safety insecurities. For the law can't protect what even your neighbor, or church, or school doesn't even want to know about.
Mostly this is just a beautiful song.
Thanks Jenny

Anders Enochsson said...

Andy - This was powerful. The song is really menacing and so full of emotion.
I can really identify with these powerful feelings you display in the song. There is such a contrast between the seemingly cradle like security society wraps us in and when something like this happens. It's strange how the beautiful often is married with the dreadful. Perhaps its because really authentic feelings come to the surface in and after these kind of circumstances?

Andy Coffey said...

Ande,

Yeah, I'm more or less shocked to this day how I have very few feelings about my particular experiences that I mentioned. My main feelings toward these matters are for friends who's stories are very very painful to me. The worst is where a person has to live in fear of what's inside of them, never really sure whether they carry some ugly monster inside, which is the real reason for their torment in life. Most of us can blame something simple and obvious for our problems, but some people must wonder if their abuse (something they cannot change) is the reason they frequently feel bad. This seems to torment some people horribly.
All said, I probably prefer the songs basic beauty to anything that can be said about it. Which is strange, but the truth, none the less.

Midnight Whisperer said...

Powerful words... The calmness that surrounds it in its "lullaby tone" is as threatening as the word die (in my opinion). It is as if the victim accepted what had happened and was simply fulfilling a justice by stating that "They Die". That "Faith" has no right to decide the fate of such evil. Just my opinion. Great Blog!

Andy Coffey said...

Hey Midnight Whisperer,

Thanks for the comment. Yeah, "die" sort of makes the song, where the sound sort of makes it fun to sing (and hopefully listen to.) Part of my inspiration for the song has been listening in my life to people of faith tormented, and wanting to confide in me. And possibly also confessions by famous people of faith of long, long periods of feeling nothing from God at all. There are so many analogs of Hell, for the seeker of light. In some ways I suppose it is lovely that most of us just seek a little bread and a hug more or less (rather than the light that it would appear is rather fickle and unsteady.)
Welcome to Domestic Neon.